Writing Your Own Wedding Vows?

 

 A)   Do you really want to write your own vows?  Do you?

It may have sounded like a good idea to write your own vows. But now that you are there, writing personal vows seems like a colossal undertaking and you don’t even know where to start. And you know what? It’s totally OK if you don’t want to write your own! Your officiant can do all the work for you (that’s why you’re paying them the big bucks, right?). Your nuptial pledge should be an expression of what your partnership means to you both; so, if this task is making you bummed you didn’t major in creative writing, maybe original vows aren’t the best idea for you. Whatever your inclination is, discuss it with your partner to make sure you’re both on the same page.

 

B)   Do you want to recite your vows out loud?

Displaying your emotions and commitment to your partner in front of a live audience might not be your thing, and—again—that’s totally OK. The whole all-eyes-on-you thing isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, and that doesn’t mean you love your future spouse any less. If you do want to write original vows but want to share them privately, you can do so before the ceremony, after or even during! We’ve seen ceremonies where the couple leaves to privately share this moment while the officiant keeps friends and family engaged in a sermon.

 

C)  Are your vows religious?

If you’re getting married within a religious institution or with a clergy member (i.e., rabbi, priest), chances are your vows will be provided for you (boom). But what if you’re planning a destination wedding on a Mexican beach and having a friend officiate—do you want to include traditional religious elements? Once again: that’s up to you and your partner. If religion is a key foundation for your relationship, then it probably belongs in your declaration of commitment. If neither of you is religious, but all of sudden you’re quoting the New Testament, that might feel a bit off-brand.

1)   Do a free-write

A free-write is exactly what it sounds like: an exercise where you write without thinking too hard or editing yourself. There’s no better way to get the creative juices flowing than just jumping into it without second-guessing yourself. So, grab a pen and paper (or computer and keyboard) and start writing about your relationship for ten minutes. Don’t stop until your timer goes off. If you need a couple prompts, ask yourself questions like “why do you love this person/how do they make you feel/what does marriage mean to you?” to get you thinking. 

 

2)   Make a list

Writing your own vows can become extremely taxing and overwhelming. Coming up with thoughts and ideas about what it means for you to be in love and to be married then transferring that on to paper, can make some people break out in sweat. The whole process can be extremely overwhelming. If that’s your reality, pare your thoughts down to a simple list. Write down any words that come to mind when thinking about your partner and what it means to get married. This is  a very helpful brainstorming exercise that can generate ideas and help with the process.  

 

3)   Pick one specific memory

When it comes to writing something to keep a captive audience, you want to include a fair amount of detail. Take a walk down memory lane and choose one of the more meaningful moments that will highlight your unique relationship. Maybe it’s the time you and your partner drove five hours to get a burger at a diner three states away because of something you saw on the Food Channel. Or maybe it’s the time you two jumped the fence of a “For Sale” beach house that seemingly had no-one around. But when the two of you climbed up the winding staircase to the second level of the deck, a family of 4 was staring at you from within through a large plate window.  Whatever it is, using these specific anecdotes to power your vows will make your words so much more personal and unique to you. 

 

4)   Use a statement meaningful to you. 

Oftentimes, there are already published words that express what you’re trying to say, but way better. Make life easy on yourselves and select quotes or readings that have particular meaning to you. If you and your partner are both Treckies, why not include a memorable J.T. Kirk quote from a favorite Star Trek episode or a few? If you both love musicals, go ahead, pull out Mama Mia out of the bag. A great quote can make your vows not only memorable but fun as well.

 

5)   Organize your thoughts into a beginning, middle and end

You’ve done most of the work. Now you have to put the pieces of the puzzle together. Like most good stories, you’re going to want some semblance of a beginning, middle and end. 

Here’s an outline to follow:

• Beginning: Focus on whom you’re getting married to and what you love about them.

• Middle: Explain why you want to get married [don’t forget to insert your specific memory].

• End: Share how you’ll continue to grow and support each other in the future.

If you have a quote or reading that truly speaks to you and your relationship, try opening with it and then using it throughout your vows to explain why you two are getting married. Then you may want to come back to the opening quote for a drop-the-mic ending!

 

6)   Ask your Wedding Planner to help you 

Still feeling stuck. Talk to your Event Planner. Chances are they have done this before and can be great sounding boards. In fact, they can probably even give you some exercises to help put your thoughts into a coherent, presentable vow.

 

7)   Read it out loud to yourself

Once you have something to work with, read it aloud. This will help you feel out the rhythm and timing of your vows, which—trust us—is way different from reading them on the page. If something is not rolling off your tongue the right way, you’ll want to hear that before you read your vows on your wedding day.

 

8)   Edit, edit, edit

Let your wedding vows evolve as you write them. If you read them aloud and they sound off, don’t be afraid to tweak some words. Move some sentences around. Cut a whole section! Play around with the order.  

 

9. Remove anything you’re unsure about

You threw in that wild memory about your future husband getting arrested in college because it’s the most hysterical story of all time. But , would you really want to embarrass your partner in front of all your family and friends. And the more you think on it, you’re not actually sure he ever told his parents or siblings. Hmm. If you’re on the fence about sharing an anecdote that’s a little too personal, cut it. It could wind up overshadowing the entire wedding and making your new spouse uncomfortable. That’s totally not worth the laugh.

 

10)   Don’t overshare

On that note, avoid TMI in your vows if you’re reciting them out loud. Your friends and family absolutely do not need to hear about your sexual escapades and the crazies place you’ve ever done it and got busted by the police.

 

11)   Time yourself

You’ve edited, revised and rewritten your vows. Now it’s time to read them out loud and time them. How long should your vows be? That totally depends on the two of you. Rule of thumb, we’d say one minute is on the short and sweet side and seven minutes or is on the long-winded side. Limit everyone elses’ to speeches lasting between 2.5 to 3 minutes at the most. Again, though, the length is totally up to your preference.

 

12)  Don’t wait until the last moment

If you decide to write your own vows, spend some time doing it in the weeks leading up to your wedding. Waiting until two days before will probably make you more anxious than you already are. With everything that you need to accomplish to be ready for your wedding, you will not have the time required to write your vows while you’re on the phone with a caterer arguing over meal choices for your guests. Believe that .

 

And now you are well equipped to write your own Wedding Vows. We wish you all the best.